took the blindfolds off.

I took a walk barefoot in the woods. I took the blindfolds off my feet and I walked. I gripped the grass and leaves with my toes, stood on a patch of soft moss and meandered quietly through the woods as one of the natives. I found a morel today. Just one. I picked some ferns and stood in the sun digging my toes in the wet sand. Before coming home I dug up a few dandelions to add to my stir fry. Its a beautiful day today.

Before I came home I took a minute to think about what was going to happen to me in a few short weeks. I've started to tell people. Some of them are happy, some of them treat me like I'm cheating. Sometimes I feel like I'm cheating. I think about where I will be in a year and wonder if I should take credit when I have to reroute my insides to even accomplish it. When someone tells me congrats, do I accept it with pride? I don't know. My life is changing. Its changing and I don't really know how I'm supposed to feel.

I used to daydream when I was younger, that my outward appearance was a costume. My fat suit was necessary because I was soooo beautiful that without the disguise my beauty would get in the way.

I finally have a chance to be more than my weight for once. I can introduce myself to someone without the first thought being whoa! I can be described as something other than the fat girl, chunky, heavy, big boned, matronly, fluffy, ugly. In that regard I am so happy it makes me cry. I can finally take off the fat suit.

On the other hand, will I always be, "See her, she had gastric bypass." I heard that so many times when out garage saleing with friends this weekend. Instead of being defined by their weight, these people were defined by the method they used to take it off.

I am probably looking to far into the inevitable. After all, this is about me and what makes me happy. The labels I receive are no different than "That black guy, that street person, that gay person, that crazy girl, that dude with the huge nose"...No one ever really sees anyone else as just a person without some defining label. I guess I would rather be "That one that was really fat and had the GB surgery, " than "That one that is really fat."

I'm going home to blanch my supper and serve it over rice. My treat after taking some me time today. It was nice. I can do it again.