talkin' about the me time

So today was my day off and I was really in need of something new. I rode with hubby to the parts store with the kiddos and before we went home, I stopped at Ormson's and grabbed some cold chicken, grapes and strawberries. Since Curt had to get home and work, we had a small picnic in the yard. Noodle (the dog)ate all the chicken bones and got a handful of crisps and a whole stalk of grapes all to himself. Then Luke and Emma played in the sand while I got to hang out in the shop and weld. I haven't done that since last fall and it felt good to create something. The kids were awesome and Lucas even made Emma a bottle and put her down for a nap when she was ready without disturbing me at all. I made 2 things utilizing the solar lights I had found a while back.

Today I feel...I don't know. Not bad, but I am starting to find something within myself that I haven't really had for a long time--an opinion. A lot of times I have something to say, but won't really say it because I don't want to offend. Lately I have been saying and asking and explaining without really thinking about the outcome. Granted, I try to think about what I have to say before I say it so I'm not sounding like an ignoramus asshole, but I feel a tinge of guilt when I think feathers might be riled. I'm not sure why this is happening. I'm not sure I like it. I'm not at all sure that I am liked for it. I'm not sure that I can handle the repercussions should someone disagree. I'm stuck in the middle of...something.

Tomorrow I go see my chiropractor. She really does help with the aches and pains of "going" and I have even found that I don't really need to take my Prozac. I feel good overall. Not emotional, or tidal, or depressed like I usually am. I am still taking my stratterra religiously. I don't pretend to be able to focus alone, but it seems the adjustments are helping the depression as well as the sun and just getting out a bit. I'm sure it's a group effort.

Still waiting to start the LEARN program. I've been reading my book as well as another that kind of empowers. I haven't formed an opinion yet, but it's interesting, though a little monotonous.

I'm almost there. Not too much longer. I'm so excited, so ready. I can't wait to get up in front of people and sing, to be able to meet people. Just go out and not feel so giant. I have a huge list of things I want to do. Petty to some I suppose, but so huge to me. Walk through a turnstile, sit in a movie theater seat, cross my legs, wear a cute outfit and look cute in it, sit in a booth at a restaurant and not have to ask for a table because I don't fit, drive without the steering wheel rubbing on my belly, run, make love to my husband without feeling weird or embarrassed, take that belly dancing class I have wanted to take for YEARS...Oh GOD I am SO ready for this!!!