The "group"

Yesterday was group for GB. It wasn't exactly what I had expected. Some members were 9 weeks into the program, some were 3-4 weeks in, me and one other guy were noobs. We started out talking about our 4th of July weekend and what we did, and what we did to continue on our successful paths to self control or whatever. Everyone had a story about how they failed in some way. One lady had a cookout and her friend brought a dessert she loved. She failed because she had a piece. Another lady lived on a farm and struggled with the traditional meat and potato and gravy dinners every night for the farm help. One guy drank beer. Me. We went to the cabin and cleaned it top to bottom because it was our first time there since last fall. We swam and fished and ate a lot of hot dogs. Do I think I failed? No. Yeah, I ate hot dogs and chips with everyone else, but that was 1/3 of my time spent. The rest of the time I was active with cleaning, cutting wood, walking, swimming, fishing. The room was quiet. Everyone was looking at me. I'm not sure if they were thinking uh huh shes a noob, or if they were thinking, how dare she think like that! We must be perfect! Hot dogs are not acceptable skinny people food! Of course, I then had to say something since I was like to catch fire with everyone's stares. "Why can't you have a piece of cake? A cookie? why do you have to cut yourself off from everything? Isn't this about moderation not deprivation?"

Finally the lead lady said something about being aware of your choices and taking responsibility. Yeah, yeah. I got that, yet I think the moment would have went better if I said I ate fruit and veggies all weekend (which I did) along with the hot dogs and chips...not sure.

There was a quiz in my book about how I feel about myself 1 being bad, 10 being good. At this point, it looks like I'm pretty close to killing myself number wise. we take the test 2 more times during the course of the group, so we will see if I have any self esteem at all by the time its time to get my reroute.

I have to give up soda and coffee. Both of which are not good for my "pouch" which is what you call your walnut-sized stomach after surgery. After a year I might be able to have a taste of coffee, though some people never are able to tolerate certain things again. I guess I can give it up. I mean, I love my coffee, but it is one of those treats I don't have to gorge on to really enjoy. Chocolate...that one will be hard maybe. I did go without it before though when I was pregnant. looking back on my journal, it seems I didn't really miss treats so much once I eliminated them. I feel the most sympathetic for the beer drinker guy. He loves his 3-4 beers a day like I love my 3-4 cups of good rich coffee.

Another thing I brought up is the fact that after surgery, your probably not going to feel good-as in, after one bite of something you could very easily throw it up if its not the right thing. Beer drinker said, "I intend to feel very good after surgery." Yeah...missed my point, but everyone started laughing so I was unable to explain myself. Am I really the only one who knows that this is really going to suck balls if you don't follow the directions? I'm sure there is a reason you only get broth and crystal light for the first month after surgery. Since throwing up is torture to me, you better believe I'm not gonna go out and buy 3 pounds of Lindors and sit down and eat them.

Anyway, there were a couple of people who came up with some cool solutions to their sedentary jobs. Like the office guy got a "Tred-Desk" that sets up on your treadmill where you walk very slowly all the time while at your computer. Thats cool, but I was trying to figure out how I could have one of those and still run my foot pedal; however, Casino girl said that she got one of those big giant Pilate's balls to sit at her computer with. It actually takes a lot of strength and effort to keep you balanced while you work. She said that by the end of her night, she was getting so tired, she actually fell off her ball twice. I could use my pedal with that, but is there a ball tough enough to hold me? Casino Girl is only 200 lbs at the most. I can't even believe she is being considered for the surgery, but whatever. Maybe she has health problems. So, I'm going to look for a Pilate's ball for chicks who aren't kiddin'.